Random Writing Rant #2 – From Twitch to Tingle

I’m still reading the same book that inspired Random Writing Rant #1 (and no, at this point I’m not going to tell you which one it is although if you read my Goodreads reviews, you might be able to figure out which one it is). The is driving me crazy. Not only is he a colossal dickwad of the highest order with the emotional intelligence of a rock, but his spasmodic and uncontrollable body parts keep throwing me right out of the story. The other day it was his twitchy nostrils (really not bringing sexy back with that description). Today I made it to the scene where the hero and heroine make love for the first time. Great, everything went honky dory and there weren’t any real surprises there (although even in bed the hero managed to be an ass clown).  But just a few sentences after the big finish, I come to this little tidbit: The hero is lying in the bed, still “wrung out by the best sex he’d ever had. His organ was still tingling.”

OH MY GOD.  First of all, find me a man who thinks of his dick as “his organ.” I found that almost as cringe-worthy as the description “purple headed love warrior” (if you don’t know that reference, please watch the 30 second blip from Naked Gun 2 1/2 below). And to top it all off, his man bits are “tingling”. Now, I’m the first to admit that I’m not a medical doctor, but I’m pretty sure that if a man’s penis tingles after sex, he might have a medical issue that needs to be addressed right away. In fact, for those of you too shy to Google “tingling penis”, I did it for you (I have no shame) and I assure you, 95% of the results that came back on the first page are from medical websites that include warnings about penile disorders, chlamydia, and other not so sexy conditions that I don’t any man, real or fictional, to suffer from. So word to the wise, all you wanna be romance novelists out there – be careful how you describe the afterglow of sex. Tingling organs definitely do not sound sexy, so maybe find a better way to capture those male feelings of satisfaction. Just sayin’.